Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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