At least make sure they are 18
Why
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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