I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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