he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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