My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
