turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
