He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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