I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
