dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
