We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
