My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
