Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
