The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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