You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
