Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
