dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
