sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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