ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
