Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
