Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
