I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
