Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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