are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
