Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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