Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
