lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
