Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
