The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
