just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
