then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
