It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
