somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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