There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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