Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
