i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
