maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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