I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize