I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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