Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
