If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
