ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize