i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
