you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
