im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
