did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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