Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
