Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Drunk is a universal language darling
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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