fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yo dont text me then not text me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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