Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
