I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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