i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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