My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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