Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
