i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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