its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize