How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
