So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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