I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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