Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
