Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
