"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
