She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
