Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize