god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
