I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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