If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize