If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
