Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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