I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
