There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
false alarm. still invincible.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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