She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
