Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
no, he came in my armpit
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
