She is in my trunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
